Do you write loving letters to your wife or girlfriend? I don't mean every fucking day, I mean at all.
Do you capture your words and show your love to them in writing? Do you say these things in person? Do you fucking share them at all?
Are you too “manly” for that? Is it perhaps a little too “weak” or “womanly” to write down some nice things about your wife or partner?
What are you scared of?
I knew for a long time that writing notes had a special kind of power to it. Something in the written words could get their emotions and love flowing like nothing I had ever seen, you only have to watch a few Romance movies with them to understand how important words can be to them. My wife loves them so much she keeps them. It is something special I have given her, an insight into me that she can hold onto. Spoken words are fleeting, by writing them down, you are allowing them to transport back to that particular time and enjoy it over and over again without losing the impact of the words.
I knew this, and I didn't fucking do it. It scared the shit out of me to even try. So I played it off as beneath me and not required because she just loves me for me and she knows that because I say love you. And as a man, when I say things, I mean them. So yeh, writing notes, birthday cards, valentines cards, Christmas cards filled me with complete fucking dread. So much did I want to avoid it that I always left it to the last minute and then googled “loving messages to write to your wife” so I could put something nice down for her.
This was great, she liked that I had put in effort. but I knew, I fucking knew I was taking the shortcut. That I was looking for the easy path, the path that I could hide behind when people asked me what I gave her for her birthday or wrote to her for valentines day- ohh uhh, I wrote her a card, but I just copied it from the internet (or insert typical guy defensive phrase here to justify an act seen as “unmanly”).
I got sick of my own lies and bullshit- so I decided to have a genuine crack at writing a proper heartfelt message, to really show her that I love her.
At first it was rough and uneasy- I couldn't look at her as she read my card. I got inspiration from google and modified someone else's note. She cried and put the note in her box of extra special things. The next time I wrote a note, I wrote what came to my mind when I thought of all the good she brings to my life, how she helps me and supports the things I do. And I wrote it down. It was full of shitty grammar and spelling mistakes- but it was the closest she had ever been to knowing how much she meant to me.
3 years later, I don't sweat it. I write exactly how I feel about her. The things I am proud of, love, adore and cherish about her. She cries, we hug, we kiss and we both feel incredibly fucking loved by each other. (Often these letters result in some of the best sex we have ever had).
There is a lot to say about intentions and nice guy behaviour when it comes to writing these notes. Don't write them and secretly hope she will suck your dick- that is called being a nice guy, do not do that shit. The intention should always be to share some of yourself with her and that is all. If sex comes after, fuck yes what a win. If it doesn’t- fuck yes what a win.
So are you too “manly”, too “strong”? Do you show it in other ways (gifts for example)?
I call Bullshit.
You are too weak and too insecure if you agree with being too “manly” or “strong”. And you use PRESENTS as a replacement for PRESENCE.
If you do not know the difference - google it and thank me later.
Don't get me wrong- I was you 3 years ago. I hunt, I train BJJ, I have boxed, I drink beer and strong spirits (no fancy cocktails or vodka premix for me), I lift weights, I work in heavy industry and if you didn't notice - I like to fucking swear, a lot.
I am all those things still- but I am not scared to let my wife know exactly how much she means to me and how much I appreciate her being in my life. You shouldn’t be either.
Gentlemen, you CANNOT lose by writing down some things that you love about them.
I am a fucking man, I am one of the boys, and I write my wife fucking love notes. Because men own their shit.
If you never have written one, or you write them very infrequently, I will challenge you to write just one thing you love about your wife or significant other and share that with them. DO THIS every week for 6 weeks. It will cost you a very small amount of time - and it may just pay you back by saving your relationship or deepening your connection in a new and fucking beautiful way.
If you need help, email me at forgeaheadcoach@gmail.com with the subject line MANLY LOVE NOTE HELP! And I can send you some pointers.
Yours in power,
Matt Halson
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